Four lessons learned after four years of marriage
As Steve and I are celebrating our four year wedding anniversary I thought I’d share the four lessons we’ve learned after four years of marriage.
For our last anniversary I shared the three lessons learnt after three years of marriage so thought I’d keep up the tradition this year.
Last year I was pregnant so we didn’t really do much to celebrate our wedding anniversary and this year we’re still in lockdown due to the Covid-19 pandemic so we won’t be doing anything extravagant.
A lot has changed since our wedding anniversary last year, aside from the global pandemic we are now a family of three since Elsie’s arrival in July 2019.
What four things have we learned after four years of marriage?
It’s okay to ask for help
Sometimes, things just don’t go the way we plan or expect them to. Steve has taught me that it’s okay to ask for help, even when you are afraid to or embarrassed or maybe even too proud to ask.
He has taught me that there is strength in asking for help and that you are never wrong to speak up for yourself.
When I was struggling with breastfeeding I just wanted to try to do everything myself like superwoman but this was impossible. Steve really stepped up when Elsie and I both needed him and we would’ve been lost without all his help and support.
He’s also been there to help if I’ve been stuck with things in a work capacity too, working in the same industry means we can offer advice to each other.
Learn when to stay quiet
This is one of those things I wish I could do better!
I think many an argument would have been avoided If I could just bite my tongue a little more.
In the heat of an argument, sometimes words are out of your mouth before you’ve had a chance to even think about them. And once they’re out there, there’s no taking them back.
I am trying better to slow down my thoughts and words when I am angry and take a minute before I speak (or scream).
Sometimes, it’s just better to keep quiet than to keep throwing fuel on the fire.
Try to walk away, take some deep breaths and think about what it is that you’re really fighting about.
Once you both had some time to cool down, come together and discuss it like rational adults instead of bickering teenagers.
Don’t be afraid to say “I’m Sorry”
The sooner the better apologise. We all make mistakes and the sooner we realise that we’ve done a wrong and ask for forgiveness the quicker we can move forward.
Many of us just want our other half to acknowledge that we have been hurt.
Make time for each other and for yourself
After having a baby your marriage definitely changes. Your priorities are different now, life is about more than just you two as individuals and a couple.
It’s really important that you make time for each other and for yourself.
Steve usually takes over Elsie’s night time routine on a Saturday so I can have a nice shower or bath and a bit of me time. I like to use my favourite products and indulge in a face mask and either a podcast or a book for that golden hour and it really helps me to unwind.
Now that I’m back at work following my maternity leave, we split the weekend so that we each get a lie in on one of the days.
We also make sure that if one of us has some extra work to do or something else on, the other does the main parenting duties.
We’ve got a week off at the end of this month and we should’ve been having our first family holiday but alas due to lockdown this isn’t happening, we’ve postponed until the same time next year.
Steve and I will use this week to have some much-needed couple time. We will have to pay for Elsie’s nursery fees regardless so she will still go (not for as long though) so we can enjoy some time on our own.
What pearls of wisdom have you learnt after being with your partner or being married? Let me know in the comments below.
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Our wonderful wedding pictures were taken by the very talented Ed and Maggie Sewell; you can check out their other work here: http://www.sewellphoto.co.uk/
Other relationship related posts
Take a look back on my saying yes to the dress story
Here’s my top tips on how to survive a couple’s trip to Ikea
See how I’m upping my romance game in romancing the socks off Valentine’s Day
Find out what we got up to during our mini break to the lovely Lake District.
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I think you’ve learned quite a lot!
All are good lessons but I think 4 is the hardest for everyone to learn. They feel they have to be child centered all of the time and forgot to focus on themselves. So yes, when I was raising my son there were times that I would take a vacation day and start it off by taking him to daycare.