Is the romance dead once you’re married?
Valentine’s Day always leads to social media being flooded with grand romantic gestures which got me thinking is the romance dead once you’re married?
I’ve been married to my darling hubby for almost three years now and if you read my romancing the socks off Valentine’s Day post from last year you’ll know he is Mr Romantic.
And I’m not exactly giving him a run for the money in the romance department.
However I did try to up my game last year with my 12 dates ideas.
You can see what progress we made with the dates here.
As I scrolled through various social media platforms on Thursday my timeline was just filled with these grand romantic gestures so it got me thinking about romance and how it changes as your relationship develops.
Is the romance dead once you’re married?
I think the reason I’m even posing this question is because a lot of the mystery is simply gone by the time you’re married.
Well it is in our case anyway!
For example, before Steve and I lived together we didn’t see each other every single day because of work, I didn’t drive and we worked and lived in different towns, so we really had to make the most of the time we did spend with each other.
Now we’re married with our own home there’s no escape from each other!
Every Friday I’d head over to his house and while he cooked or ordered us some takeaway I’d have a bath and pamper myself (ie made an effort) and there was some mystery.
Now we have an en suite yep there’s no mystery there.
We know each other’s secrets and yet still love each other which is great but it isn’t always romantic.
I think working full time, running a house and general life kind of gets in the way of romance.
When you’re tired and snappy with each other you can be guilty of taking one another for granted.
Whereas when the relationship is all new and shiny it’s all fancy dates, getting dolled up and staring into each other’s eyes all night long.
Marriage just isn’t like that.
Steve does buy me flowers every week which started from our very first date but they mostly come from the supermarket during the weekly shop.
Occasionally I get a special bouquet but it’s still the thought and sentiment behind the gesture that counts and I’m grateful.
We don’t sweep each other off each other’s feet but we do little things for one another.
For instance I worked really late last Tuesday and he made sure I had clean pyjamas warming up on the radiator for me.
When it’s really frosty and he’s leaving the house before me for work he de-ices my windscreen for me.
These things might not be a massive deal but my gosh do I appreciate it.
We take it in turns to cook tea and I crack on and do quite a lot at the same time but men just aren’t the greatest multi-taskers so I make sure to help Steve out.
I think Steve is more about the romantic little things and I’m the practical one.
For instance I make sure the tooth brushes are charged and that I’ve washed enough shirts for Steve for the week.
So I guess we both do little things for each other that aren’t grand Instagram worthy romantic gestures but it shows that we care for each other.
So perhaps the romance isn’t dead it’s just different once you’re married.
For the married couples out there – do you do anything romantic for your other half? Let me know in the comments below.
So how did we spend Valentine’s Day itself?
We were both at work and I ended up working late to do a focus group so not exactly the height of romance!
However we had planned ahead and bought something nice in for tea.
We had roast leg of lamb and tasty veg with roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings which was lovely.
Although we’d both said we weren’t doing presents we did get each other a little something.
Steve bought me these gorgeous flowers.
I got him this Geordie mug.
And a card each so nothing extravagant.
What do you think of Valentine’s Day – is it over-rated, do you love it? Let me know in the comments below.
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Other related posts
Here’s the two lessons I’ve learnt after two years of marriage
Here’s the top 10 places to propose in Newcastle
Take a look back on my saying yes to the dress story
Find out what we got up to during our mini break to the lovely Lake District.
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Well that’s a debatable question Rachael. I think what you put into your relationship is definitely what you receive from it. We have been married for 22 years. Never really celebrated Valentines Day but always tried to make time for one another. People change and relationships change and I guess we have to be accepting of that. 🙂
Aww, this is such a sweet post Rachael! The cards, flowers and home cooked meal sounded wonderful! It is super sweet you do little things for each other, my heart melted a bit when I read Steve made sure you had warm toasty PJ’s waiting for you when you got home from work. That is adorable and I think the cute daily things like that are much nicer than one-off big showy gestures on Valentines Day. Thank you for sharing lovely! <3 xxx
Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com
I totally agree Bexa thank you. It’s the little things that you really appreciate especially after a long hard day and knowing that they thought of you. x
Sounds like you had a lovely Valentine’s Day, that dinner looks yummy! Those flowers are so pretty! I never thought about that question before, I am not married but I do consider myself to be romantic and I don’t think that would change when I get married x
My birthday is a couple of days after Valentine’s day and my husband brought home some steak which I was really looking forward to for our Valentine’s meal. He bought me a little scented rose in a plant pot (from the Supermarket). Like your Steve, my husband usually buys me a bunch of flowers each week in with the shopping, but I love flowers wherever they are from. He also de-ices my car and does most of the cooking too.
However, I was a bit cross when he served me Tesco chicken curry for tea (without the rice as i am on a low carb diet) as I had my mind set on the steak i saw him bring home!
I thought it must be for my birthday meal which is two days after, but I actually ended up having it on Sunday instead of the roast! It was well worth waiting for though…finally!!!.
I don’t think romance is dead so much as different when you get married. Like you said it is all the little thoughtful things that either make us feel better or make our lives easier that mean a lot. 🙂
The scented rose sounds lovely! I think you’re right it is different when you’re married which isn’t a bad thing! Thanks for your thoughts x
Romance doesn’t die when you get married but the intensity changes and it is, as you say, the little gestures that mean so much. My husband & I don’t really go too mad on Valentines Day …we do exchange cards and we buy each other “posh” chocolates that we share with each other in bed … but we often buy each other chocolate treats throughout the year to share! We are more romantic – meal out or weekend away – on our wedding anniversary (14 years this year). We don’t really do date nights but we do like a spontaneous Friday lunch date when we have time between work meetings….
That sounds lovely. I like going out for a nice meal. We tend to celebrate our wedding anniversary more than Valentine’s etc.
Rachael, as you grow older together you are going to come to realize that what you have now, those small gestures ARE romance. If your husband does them now, I’ll bet he always will. You both are very lucky! <3
Thank you I think you’re right!
Romance doesn’t die; it just changes to manifest itself in different ways.
I think you’re right.
All I can say is awww… young love.
Marriage is definitely work, but sometimes work is fun and sometimes you just have to get it done, know what I mean? You have an awesome perspective on marriage, Rachael!
I totally get what you mean! Spot on.
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